


The Incident in the Woods

by LenoraLana



Category: Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 13:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21374875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenoraLana/pseuds/LenoraLana
Summary: This was co-authored as pure crack with RevanJast of fanfiction.net a long time ago. Now it is posted exclusively here.Sari Sumdac and Bumblebee are alone in the woods... where things get really, really awkward...
Relationships: None
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	The Incident in the Woods

Sari Sumdac and Autobot Bumblebee were alone and walking in the woods. Actually, they were kinda lost. He kept on and on assuring the red-haired teen that he knew where they were going, that he didn't need a map, and he didn't need to stop and ask for directions. So what happened? They were now fracking LOST.

He wouldn't admit it, but Sari knew they were lost. But he had to keep on acting like he knew exactly where they were and where they were going. He walked ahead of her, his head held high like a proud peacock.

Sari wanted to slug him on the back of the head, but she didn't, mostly because she'd never be able to reach it—she had, after all, left her jetpack at home. But he had NO idea what this was doing to her!

And an all-too-familiar stomach cramp was really starting to get to her. UGH.

Bumblebee, in reality, did in fact know that they were lost. But he wasn't about to let on. The truth was… ever since Sari's upgrade, he had really started to, well, like her. So he wanted to act… how did the humans say it? Ah, he had to act manly toward her, so to speak. He wanted to impress her. Wasn't that what humans did to impress femmes? Although it wasn't like he had much experience even around fully Autobot femmes…

He just couldn't let her know that he didn't know what he was doing. He had to impress her, to win her over. After all, a cute femme like that was definitely going to turn a lot of heads. He felt he had to move fast to get her attention.

Sari continued to walk just behind him, keeping her eyes locked on him. He just kept on walking. After all, they had to end up somewhere eventually… right?

Just then, he spotted a large rock up ahead and an idea popped into his processor. He would climb the rock, survey the area, and lead them both out of the woods! He grinned to himself, figuring he was quite the genius.

After a few tries of attempting to climb up, his idea faded. The angle was too steep and there were no footholds. And it was a very huge rock to boot, especially by human standards. Finally he sighed and turned to Sari.

"Sari, can you get up there and look around? I need to know if you see the forest trail in any direction."

Sari scowled at him. "You ARE lost, aren't you?" she snipped, placing her hands on her hips. She could feel the growing cramp in her mid-section, and she knew that it wasn't going to go away. She needed to get to a bathroom, and soon.

Bumblebee shook his head. "No, Sari, I'm not lost. I just want to know if you see the trail. I can't get up there to look, and these trees are in the way. Go up and look, please?"

Sari stamped her foot, which caused her to groan slightly. "I am not going up there!" she said. "I'll get my clothes dirty! Do you know how hard these are to clean properly?"

She felt something warm and slick beginning to slide down her left leg. Great! It was too late to get to a bathroom now. But at least the stomach cramp was starting to ease off slightly...

Bumblebee sighed. "Ok, fine. Follow—OH PRIMUS, SARI! You're BLEEDING!"

He jumped and grabbed a slightly greasy towel from one of his compartments—something he kept with him in case he ever got another oil leak on the road. "Quick!" he yelled, dabbing at the blood. "Take your pants off! We've got to stop the bleeding! Oh my god, I didn't bring my commlink with me... I left it with Ratchet to get it fixed!"

Sari's jaw nearly fell to her toes as she stared at him with shock. "TAKE MY PANTS OFF?" she yelled, shoving him away forcefully. "I know we're out in the middle of nowhere, but I'm NOT taking my britches off! WE'RE NOT EVEN ENGAGED OR ANYTHING!"

"It's not about whether we're engaged or not! PRIMUS!" Bumblebee moved his servos out, and in one swift movement unsnapped her pants and pushed them down. "Where's the wound!" he exclaimed, bewildered.

For a few seconds Sari was too shocked to do anything at all. She couldn't say anything, she couldn't react, she could only stare with widened eyes and her mouth agape.

Then she did the one thing that any self-respecting, 16-year-old female would do in a situation like this. (Okay, she wasn't really 16, but due to her upgrade she might as well have been 16, even if she was technically still nine.) She raised her hands and they opened up, revealing the palm weapons within, and she shot him in the face. It wasn't a big enough blast to do much damage, but it did send him crashing into the ground, painfully, with a few dents on his faceplate and a damaged eye.

"Owwwww!" Bumblebee yelled as Sari rained blows down on him. He turned and ran, her right behind him, for what seemed like ages. Suddenly they came out on a highway.

"I knew it! I knew we weren't lost! See? I got us out!"

It took a moment for her brain to register that they were now at a highway. Then a car passed by them. She screamed when she realized her pants were still down, so she quickly yanked them back up and fastened them in place.

She then glared daggers at Bumblebee. "WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK I WAS INJURED?" she screamed at the top of her lungs, slapping him across the face. It was easy since he was sitting hunched near the ground.

"Ow!"

He backed away from the raging female. "You were bleeding like a stuck fuel tank! How the slag could you not be injured?"

Sari took a step back, blinking at him in complete shock. "Excuse me?" she said slowly. Man, this was freaking embarrassing. But now it had just become even MORE embarrassing and awkward.

"You should know that girls, uhhh..." she trailed off. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to fire another energy blast at him or slap herself in the forehead. She did nothing, she just stood there and stared at him.

Was it really, REALLY possible... THAT HE DID NOT KNOW? She buried her face into her hands. Of course, maybe she should have known. Autobots knew that blood meant a human was wounded and needed help. All of the first aid things taught you that, in books and on TV and whatever. And since Bee was a robot… it's possible he didn't know about periods.

Especially since Sari had never had any while she was eight… this was still kinda new to her too, even though she knew it was coming someday.

He looked at her, a confused look on his face. "Girls do what?" he asked. He honestly didn't get this. "I'm sorry, but I don't keep up with all the girl details, so there's a lot I don't know..."

Sari continued to stare at him, trying to get her thoughts together. "Ummm..." Her voice cracked and her could barely speak at all. "Do you know anything about… periods?"

"Periods? Those are those things that go at the end of sentences, right?" He asked, bewildered. He had a feeling he was very, very wrong. Primus, this was going to end badly... "Hey listen, I'm sorry. You don't have to explain if you don't want to. Slag, I feel like an idiot."

"Look, Bumblebee…" Sari said in a very slow, deadly tone of voice, with each and every monosyllable she spoke sounding exaggeratedly enunciated as they left her lips, "You ARE an idiot."

Okay, she really shouldn't have said that, she knew. She regretted it as soon as those words left her mouth. But this was just so awkward and embarrassing… it just kind of slipped out.

A sad look crossed Bee's face. "I'm sorry. I'm just going to go home now, ok? Bye, Sari. Forget the whole thing."

Okay. In spite of everything, Sari was starting to feel very sorry for him. "Okay look... I'm sorry I said that," she said. "You're not an idiot. You just... you're ignorant, that's all."

She frowned. "There's a lot of stuff you don't know about Earth, even though you've been here for two years now. But well… uhhh…"

She searched her brain, trying to think of a way to explain this to him. Finally, she said, "Look, let's try it this way… where do protoforms come from? How are sparks made?"

As soon as she said that, she wondered if she would regret asking. Was this really something she wanted to know?

Bumblebee hesitated, then shrugged. "Uh, well… like I said, no one tells me this stuff. Anything I know I learn on my own, usually. Like today."

He looked up at the sky, noticing that the stars were coming out. He smiled slightly. "I have a feeling my… creator didn't know either. He really IS an idiot. All he does is work on speeders and ships and drink High Grade."

Sari stared at him. As soon as those words registered in her brain, she actually managed to blink once. Then twice. Then three times. Then ten more times, rapidly.

"If your dad—or creator, or whatever you call him—doesn't know, then..." Her voice caught in my throat for a moment, causing her to choke. She supposed some part of her brain was having second thoughts about asking this, but the question left her lips as though it had developed a mind of its own. "How did he know enough for your mother to... conceive you?"

She wanted to kill herself now.

Although maybe he would tell her he didn't even know anything about THAT sort of thing.

He laughed. "My mother probably had to guide him every step of the way. 'No, Horsedrive, you put it _here_... there we go!' Actually, it scares me to think that's exactly what happened..."

That did it... Sari had finally heard the last, final thing that would finish sending her over the edge.

_ **THUD** _

She totally fainted, landing noisily on the ground at his feet.

He looked down at the girl at his feet. He picked her up in his arms and began to walk down the road with her.

Well, he thought, it could have been worse. Now, when he got home, he needed to find out what the birds and the bees are before she asked again...

He continued down the road as the moon began to rise. Then he transformed into vehicle mode, with her inside on his back seat, and he took off down the road. He would take her home, then go back to the base.


End file.
